Keep Me Running

I’ve tried to jumpstart
my approach toward God
using what’s expected:
posture, music, words.

But something is frayed.
I’ve tried to set my emotions
like the idle of a car,
with duty, service, and daily Bible reading.

But something is jammed.
I thought that careful maintenance—
trying to make myself acceptable to God—
would keep me running smoothly,

and that attending church
could navigate me out of disappointment.
I thought pristine condition meant
making a smile my waxy shine.

But He’s not looking for a demonstration.
And He doesn’t mind my knocking.
Expressions aren’t tools
and coming together is no diagnostic manual.

“So Lord, I come to You
with all that I am,
not asking You to fix me…
just letting You know I’m here.”

originally written Spring 2005